"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
