i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
