I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
