Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
