so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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