How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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