So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
