some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
