she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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