I want to stick my p in your. b.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
