i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
