Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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