I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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