Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
