I met the friendliest cop last night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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