its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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