i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
