There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
