so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
