I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
We had to coat check the pizza.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
