Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
