I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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