I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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