im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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