My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We had sex on a dog bed..
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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