I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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