After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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