i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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