We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
