My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
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