Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize