I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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