I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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