I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
