ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
