In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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