I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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