I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
