It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
