areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
