How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she peed on how many people?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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