Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
