He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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