last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
