if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
