Did you just see the Batmobile???
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
