Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
PANTIES FOUND
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