I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
