I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
