he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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