My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
