I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
