We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
