So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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