I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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