I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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