i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
