You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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