So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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