i wish starbucks made bloody marys
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The beer is more important than you right now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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