I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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