you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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