I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
