nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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