Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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