like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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