Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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