need another drink. this is the easiest way
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
