Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you traded sex for a burrito?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
