Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So drunk its hurt
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
