either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
