How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
