I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
