did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
